Adiós to the nice guys

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An army major has told me on once upon a time “A guy who never had a beer hasn’t become adult at all”, they don’t fall in the category of men, the “Alpha Male”. People will have chalk and cheese opinion about it, however “Nice Guys” are everywhere, who can be anyone, the first boy of the class or guy next door, your colleague, the ‘friend’ in your newly formed group.

This blog is a tribute to the ‘Nice Guys’ (sometime referred as Safe guys too) because they really never live an own life, they tolerate crazy, inane and absurd things yet never complain.

Nice guys at all times finish last, they never become more than friends, who tolerate hours of purring and bitching about what assholes other guys are, while disproving the very point. This post is wholeheartedly dedicated to those guys who always offer a shoulder to lean on but hold back themselves to tentative hugs and kisses. Those guys who guard open doors and give supportive pats on the back, sit patiently outside the changing room at shopping malls waiting their highness to appear in a new avatar. They are always asked for feedbacks but never taken into consideration.

This is in respect of the guys who willingly reiterate how trendy, beautiful, cute their female friends are at the suitable moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. For them girls are angels, they can never be boring, even their most mind-numbing repeated jokes are ever green and funny.

This is in admiration of the guys who are open minded, with laid-back attitudes, with honest ‘not that kind (read sex) ’concern. This is in honour of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style, eating habit where having rice is taboo for her figure, but occasional calorie ridden ice cream is ok.

These guys are amazing, sometime they escort their drunk, bemused female friends back from parties and pubs and never ever even think of taking advantage on route and while they’re at her door. Among them there is a different macho variety with a handsome figure who accompanies girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the ‘creepy’ male stag population, who always look every girl pass by.

Some of these guys in concern are accredited as boyfriend material, even some are mistaken as ‘boy friends’ by other girl friends of the girl he is escorting,  but somehow he doesn’t end up being her boyfriend. And one day she introduces him with her ‘Boy Friend’ and then our nice guys think “where I was lacking?”  

Sometime I pity for the nice guys who are always ignored, underestimated, and taken from granted, for all the nice guys who are always manipulated, misled and unjustly abandoned, this is for you. All of you have a heart and never know when it would start beating faster for the ‘female friend’ you are escorting.

At times she would have sent you number of  ‘urgent messages’ on your phone that you never saw, and when you called her back, she has already spent hours painstakingly dissecting few sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. Even you tempt to be by her side and sideline her existing boyfriend, never ever comment on her ‘boy friend’s’ character. Once you do, you are no friend to her anymore. Suddenly ‘you are the only friend I have’ will change to ‘who are you talking like that?’ You have to balance your words so well, you can’t take his side also other wise ‘all guys are same’ dialogue will be repeated instantly. But if you survive two or three occasions like this, you would know passing maths was easy.

And even though you had nothing against the guy, you rushed to her and helped to concoct a counter-rumour to spread around the floor. This is also for that time when she didn’t have a ‘date’, so after many vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other colleges and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that ‘many but not all’ girls are just illogical, manipulative bi***. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.”

I never say, most girls are like this, but yes there are a lot like these and the alarming thing, they are cloning faster than we imagined. There are so many nice people around us, may be we don’t pay attention to them because they don’t call our name differently and may be our hormone doesn’t get charged seeing them. But yes there are lots of girls who doesn’t fall into this. So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society.

There is nothing bad in being friends, even good friends but you know, at last is your heart which gets hurts. “It’s the Nice Guys who always finish last.”

P.S: Inspired from “Pyaar Ka Punchnama – The Liquid Story”.