Kheya's Reply to "Why this Kolavaridi"

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Dedicated to : Famous Love Triangles of Bollywood, Ajay Devgan - Aishwarya - Salman in HDDCS, Salman Khan - Madhuri - Sanjay Dutt in Saajan, Sharukh-Rani-Kajol in KKHH.

If you have directly landed here and haven’t read the earlier post "Kheya" - Why this Kolavari di ?, Then please consider reading that first here. This post is continuation of the last post.

Today Ryan and I are not together, people call me bitch, adulterous, unfaithful and what not, I deserve that but would anyone listen how hard it was for me? You people made Ryan a tragic hero but what about me? Was not I amongst you?

In college they used to call me “Dil todne ki machine”, somehow slowly but surely I started liking it. Guys could die for a smile of mine. But alas! I had more aficionado than pals. Being famous feels proud but you feel friendless too when you can’t share your feelings with anyone. Boys always looking for only one thing and girls, they were too envious. It's how my college life was, with stardom my college life ended.

When I joined XYZ Software I was blissful that no one else from college would be there, I would get time to start a brand new career and anticipated to live a new life.  I packed all my favourites dresses and put it in wardrobe. In newly bought loose cloths I didn’t look good, but I had decided to stay away from glamour.  “In too much glamour no one will see your soul” what one of my senior had told me once.

Life had become totally non-happening, Not that I liked it like Wao, but the absence of goggling eyes was truly a blessing. Six months passed without much interaction with people and then the cupid played his game. Life would have been poles apart if not I forgot my phone at office one evening. Ryan could be like other guys whom I had blacklisted and decided to be away from.

I was crying with my face deep under the pillow, I had just lost my iphone and then the bell rang. A guy came to my flat to return my phone. I almost hugged him as he handed over the phone to me, how he knew my flat address he didn’t tell. He left before I could say thanks. He was famous in office for his sense of humour, his practical approach and party organizing skills.

Ryan was a typical alpha male, he could be seen deeply engrossed talking with one or other girl in canteen or at parking lot , but rarely I saw him roaming with same girl for long. His taste was good that I must admit. I thought he will approach me soon too but he didn’t come to talk to me until I approached him the three days after the phone returning story. He was writing something in notepad when I went to his desk, seeing me he minimized that window.

As I expressed my wish to treat him for returning my phone he said yes, then checked something in his mobile and said, can’t confirm the date and time now. Finally that treat happened after full one week, seems he was busy, with what you can guess easily. I had already have a prejudice about him and I acted accordingly however I found him a lot different from what I used to think. He didn’t flirt with me, or try to touch my body while we walked in Centre Park nor he offered to drop me home in bike, instead he called a taxi for me. Auto would have fit my bills better though.

After the treat we met couple of times near coffee machine, interestingly whenever I went to coffee machine I saw him. Coincident happens but so many times? Small talks near coffee machine made me feel that we had a few things in common. The more I talked with him, I explored he doesn’t have any horizon or limits. Every time he surprised me with something new, needless to say he was damn creative, music freak and soft under the rough n tough look. A tab in my office communicator would be open for him always. We talked more in chat than face to face and in three months I knew something was happening inside me. No No No… Don’t think it's anything physical, it’s an emotions change.

Ryan never asked to drop me back home in his bike, then why I started feeling like having a ride with him? Why I longing for a touch of him? Weekends became boring and I started looking for Monday morning. He didn’t ask for my phone number yet. Was he a ‘buddhu’ or not interested in me ? Two parallel thoughts were fighting inside my grey matters. Even when with other friends my eyes always searched for someone. Bit by bit I developed a feeling, an attraction toward him, an aboriginal feeling. I broke my promise and got one of my favourite dresses which I had packed some nine months back. After many days I spent half an hour before the mirror. I wanted to look good. What was happening to me?

Is that called love?

Scholars have talked about it, poets have written about it- but it still remains undefined. Everyone falls for it differently but when we are into it, we feel the same freshness. I still that was the craziest part of my life. I still adore the feeling I could feel because of him. Those Goosebumps I felt when he looked at me, the ‘paagalpan’ he instilled in me still remains in my heart. In excitement, hesitation and apprehension I proposed him one day, re replied back with a kiss instantly and since then we were inseparable. The uphill ride started but alas! If I knew there would be a downhill too, I would never have wished to reach the top point from where the downhill started.

It's said that Love and Marriage is two different things, in India we consider marriage as the maturity of love, but is not love forever young? Would love remain love if that matures and settles down? Same happened with me and Ryan.

In two years I found he was changed, he was not that active as he used to be. He started staying at home on weekends and started playing with Xbox rather than me. Was not I anymore attractive to him? Though he continued to do his duties towards me but I started feeling alone. The spark was missing somehow.

When we doubt something or someone, unseen forces start to reinforce that doubt. Exactly the same time I had to go to Pune on deputation. He asked not to go but I though few days away from him may make him miss me and make the love stronger but that never happened. Initially I went for three months but then that got extended and it was seventh month when we finally broke up. Long distance relationship is not only hard to keep up, it's next to impossible. Ryan couldn’t give me the time I wanted. I felt it was better to be single than be in a hollow liaison.

Any break up or separation makes a boy girl emotionally vulnerable and that's why all second loves happen, it's how Sam came into my life. In emotional disturbing time he stood by. He took care of me like a child. He loves me like no one else and made it easier for me to forget Ryan. But yes when we were together he was a nice friend to have, in my word he was an amazing friend and a passionate lover but with time people change, so did Ryan.

Where was I wrong? Was not happiness my right? Why we should concern so much on some body else’s happiness rather than ours?

Now After six months of breakup Ryan wants to come back to my life again. He may not know I am not single anymore. When some one is pouring their love for me why should I go back to him who didn’t care for me much when I was with him? Ryan I don't need you in my life anymore. I have already forgotten you. Don't you see that ?

Only thing I can say, I am happier than ever Mr. Ryan Malhotra.